I was on the train from London (where I lived & worked) to Southampton (to where my girlfriend lived).
I had just sat down opposite a stranger.
Older gentlemen. Thick moustache. Reading a book about retro propeller planes.
He said: “I was wondering when you were going to turn up”.
I laughed and said: “Please tell me you have one of those planes.”
It turns out he did. He pointed out which one.
Impressive.
I asked lots of questions.
Turns out, he was an ex-surgeon who started a medical advice business for other medical professionals.
I was 22, working in a corporate job, with a basic salary which afforded me just about enough money to pay the rent to live in London.
My role was great though and I was grateful for it.
It was the 2nd biggest IT project in England at that time and I was working with the client directors on requirements and implementation. I was learning fast.
But… the money…
I looked at other roles for a comparison and ended up taking an interview for a role that seemed pretty interesting.
An offer came through. It was nearly double my salary.
I couldn’t believe it.
I didn’t want to leave my current position, but with that offer, I had to take it, unless my current employer could match it.
I knew what the answer was going to be, but I had to ask.
But how.
This new offer had just come through not long before I got on the train.
So I asked my new friend, the pilot.
He recommended that I read “The Aladdin Factor” by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen.
A simple lesson from this book changed things for me forever.
If ever there is a question you can ask, and stand to gain something, and there is no penalty of getting a “no”. Why don’t you ask?
Or as my Brazilian friend Fellipe Moreira says: “You already have the no”. (So why not try for a yes).
I gracefully asked my current employer if they could match my new offer. They could not.
That’s ok. I took the new job and came away with a new life skill: being more confident to ask questions and being comfortable with rejection.
Here were my key take-aways from the book:
1. The Magic of Asking
The book starts with a simple truth: you’ve got to ask for what you want.
Most folks don’t ask because they’re scared of a “no”, but not asking guarantees a “no”.
2. Overcome Fear
Fear of rejection is a big wall. The book teaches us to climb over it.
It’s okay to be scared, but it’s not okay to let that stop us.
We learn to take “no” as not now, not never.
3. Precision in Desire
When one asks, one must do so with the precision of a marksman.
Vague requests yield vague outcomes.
Know your target. Define desires in such clarity that there is no mistaking what it is we seek.
4. Believe You Deserve It
This is about believing it can be yours.
If you think you’re not worth what you seek, you’ll never have it.
Believe that you deserve what you are asking for.
5. Action and Persistence
Asking sets the stage, but action and persistence are the true stars of the show.
You have to take consistent steps towards your goals and be persistent in your requests.
The magic happens not when we ask once, but when we keep asking, refining our approach, and moving forward despite setbacks.
6. Grace in the Ask
The ask should not be a demand but an invitation, extended with respect for the autonomy of the other.
To ask with grace is to acknowledge the freedom of the “no”, even as we seek the “yes”.
Talk soon,
Lloyd
PS – Not sure if I can help you, ask me anyway… Let’s chat.
