Every year on her birthday, a retired doctor in Austria sends my brother the same words: thank you for another year of life. He gave her bone marrow as a stranger, asked for nothing, and got back far more than he gave. If you run a business and you’ve been giving so you can ask, his story explains why the help isn’t coming back.
A Polaroid and a stupid face
It started with our mum. She saw an advert for the Anthony Nolan Trust, a charity that finds bone marrow donors for people with leukaemia, but she was over the age limit. So she suggested it to my brother Leo, who was a student at the time and already gave blood, mostly for the tea and biscuits. He said, yeah, I’ll do that.
He turned out to be a match. He went into hospital in London for the operation, which is surgery under a general anaesthetic and isn’t risk free. When Mum came to visit, she nearly fainted at the sight of him, and he ended up carrying her bag home.
Donors and recipients stay anonymous. Two years later, the trust got in touch: his recipient was a doctor in Austria, a mum of five sons, and the transplant had been her last chance. She’d survived, and she wanted to know who had saved her life, what he was interested in, and whether she could have a photo.
Leo wrote back that he loved writing, which was true, and that he had an interest in Latin, which was a bit generous. For the photo, he sent a Polaroid of himself pulling a stupid face. When I asked him why, he said it shouldn’t matter what he looks like, and it’s funny, isn’t it?
Her reply came back written entirely in Latin, so he had to take it to the local university to get it translated. Inside was a photo. She’d blown up his stupid face, framed it and put it in the middle of the mantelpiece, with the whole family standing underneath it holding candles. Across the bottom it said, every day we thank God for Leo.
The Go-Giver’s five laws
There’s a book called The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann. It has five laws. Leo had never read it, but he’d been living it anyway. Here’s what each one looks like in a business.
The law of value
Your worth is how much more you give in value than you take in payment. In my business, the goal is to make ourselves redundant. If a client still needs us forever, we haven’t given enough.
The law of compensation
Your income depends on how many people you serve, and how well you do it. Years ago I spoke on a webinar to someone else’s audience, and someone watching said I could turn the talk into a book. So I did. I served a room that wasn’t mine, and came back with a book I’d never planned.
The law of influence
Your influence grows when you put other people’s interests first. One of my best referrers never asks me for anything back. She told me she only recommends people she believes will genuinely help, and that’s exactly why her referrals land.
The law of authenticity
The most valuable thing you can give is yourself. That’s Leo’s stupid face. He didn’t send his best photo. He sent himself, sense of humour included.
The law of receptivity
Give, and stay open to receiving. This is the one that’s easy to skip. Leo could have said no to that first letter, but he said yes. Then he said yes to an invitation to Austria. She and Leo became, in his words, like favourite auntie and nephew, and she once told him she felt he was like her sixth son.
Years later he moved to Austria and married an Austrian, and today he lives in Vienna with their twin boys. He once said, I expected nothing and I wanted nothing. What he got back was a whole life. And the gift kept going: she went on to volunteer with refugees and give palliative care.
Try this
Give one thing a day, with no ask attached. A review, an introduction, a book you loved. And when something comes back, say yes to it.
So when did you last give something and expect nothing back in return?
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